Conquest!
by LastWill
Summary: Sirius Black has found himself in a very frustrating situation- against his better judgment he's become completely smitten by Severus Snape. Sirius confides in Remus his secret, and Remus suggests he abandon his obsession with their childhood arch-nemesis. However, everyone is discovering things are not that simple. Post-Hogwarts, rated M for later chapters. Sirius/Severus
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I wrote this story in an AU universe where wizards and witches use smartphones. Also, I know the after-graduation era for the Marauders is not in the 2000's, but I wrote it in that time-frame for my convenience._

_I really do write fan fiction for myself first, so if you see things that aren't 100% correct, (for example, the characters speaking American slang instead of British slang), please give me some grace because it clearly doesn't bother me as much as I know it would bother some of you. However, you don't need to fear I'll be so careless to write something like, "'Sup Snape!?' Sirius yelled from across the room. 'I wasn't gonna holla at you- but I'm all like, YOLO!'"_

_Anyway, I think you'll enjoy reading my fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!_

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Summer was coming to a close and fall had begun. It was a crisp Saturday morning and the perfect sort of weather to be outside. Sirius Black had asked Remus Lupin to join him for brunch outside a notorious cafe outside London. Normally he'd be enjoying himself, however, he found himself unable to relax and live in the picturesque moment.

Sirius fidgeted anxiously as he balanced his phone on his lap. During the conversation he would peak at it compulsively before returning his attention to Remus. Halfway through their meal he recognized Remus' enthusiasm for conversation dwindled, and his good friend was falling more and more silent.

When Sirius wasn't checking his phone, he was thinking of checking his phone; he couldn't even muster the strength to pretend he wasn't distracted.

"Is everything okay?" Remus asked him, frowning slightly. Remus had stopped talking about his latest venture in seeking gainful employment and finally broke down.

"Yeah." Sirius replied. He wasn't sure if his slightly annoyed tone would escape Remus' notice.

"Padfoot...is there somewhere you need to be?" Remus asked him.

So he had noticed.

"No...It's just..." Sirius started. Remus looked diplomatic, which meant Sirius was probably hurting the man's feelings. Sirius scratched the back of his head, weighing if he should come clean. The slight glint of sadness behind Remus' eyes pushed him over the edge. He had to fess up. "I...hooked up with someone unusual last night."

"Well she must be special to have you checking your phone every four minutes." Remus replied, relaxing. "You've been positively manic."

Sirius didn't disagree. His untouched brunch had been a good testament how last night had an impact on him; his stomach was in knots.

"It's complicated." Sirius explained. Remus' concerned look was back again. "Moony, I wouldn't trust you if you weren't discreet - Merlin knows you understand discretion- but even so, I need you to promise me what I'm about to tell you will not be repeated to anyone. Not even James."

Remus was looking worried. He stopped eating and glanced around the tables briefly before leaning in close.

"Are you in trouble?" Remus whispered.

"No, it's not anything like that. It's just..." Sirius trailed off.

"Sirius, you obviously have something on your mind that's bothering you. Please let me help you." Remus assured him.

"She is not a she." Sirius admitted. He couldn't bring himself to reveal his secret all at once and therefore took a more indirect approach. "She is a he."

Remus' mouth dropped open slightly, but he recovered gracefully.

"Oh. That's nothing to be ashamed of-" Remus started.

"-That's not the important part, really." Sirius interrupted. "The whole thing was completely unplanned."

"Unplanned like...unwanted?" Remus asked carefully.

"Well- no, it was wanted." Sirius choked. "I wasn't raped if that's what you're asking."

"I'm afraid you've completely lost me." Remus admitted, propping his head on his hand. "I don't understand why you're upset."

"I slept with someone we know. Someone most people wouldn't understand or accept." Sirius explained.

"...Is he married?" Remus asked after an awkward pause.

"What? No." Sirius said waving him off. "No, it's not that he's married, it's more like he's always been hands-off-"

"Padfoot, I hate to be insensitive, but I feel like this conversation will go on forever if I allow it." Remus sighed. "Best to just spit it out, yes?"

"Okay. Brace yourself." Sirius warned him. He cleared his throat and took a steady breath. "Severus Snape."

Remus cocked his head to the side and frowned.

"...Did you say you slept with Snape?" Remus repeated.

"Yes." Sirius replied simply.

Remus looked confused.

"Is this a prank?" Remus asked him. He turned in his seat, as if looking for a crowd of people to jump out and declare the ruse was up.

The weight of Sirius' humiliation crushed him; of course Remus would think it was a prank- he could barely believe he had hooked up with their schoolboy arch-nemesis himself. Remus was still looking confused as Sirius covered his face in his hands, shaking his head. Internally he was cringing; once he was brave enough, he slipped a finger away from his eye, his insides twisting as his gaze was met with Remus'. It was dawning on his friend that his admission was no prank, and the werewolf's eyes grew wide while slowly covering his mouth with his hand.

"Sirius- how the fuck did that happen?" Remus gasped, uncharacteristically crass. "Pardon my French- but how?"

"I don't know!" Sirius groaned. "It should have been fucking awful, it should have been fucking horrid! But it wasn't! He was the best lay I've had in years-"

"EXCUSE ME!"

They both turned in their seats to see a red-faced woman, her hands covering what looked to be her five-year old son's ears with her hands. Remus turned bright red, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Sorry." Remus apologized to her, visually shaken. He turned towards Sirius and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't prepared for that."

"Me neither." Sirius admitted.

"The only person I thought on his Earth you hated more than Snape was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." Remus replied. "And I never imagined Snape felt any differently."

"I do hate him. I did, anyway." Sirius replied. "And I'm certain he hated me. In fact, I'm not sure he still doesn't hate my guts."

"So how did you end up in bed together?" Remus asked. "Has he changed much?"

"Not really." Sirius replied, misery coursing through him. "He's still the same sarcastic, annoying prat of our youth. Except – please don't tell anyone this- he just seems so damn _interesting_ to me now. I'm completely smitten."

Remus bit his bottom lip.

"You didn't drink anything that..."

"No." Sirius replied. "It's not a love potion. Not a curse. If it was it would have worn off by now. I feel like I'm going mad. I understand why women are so crazy now. This is torture."

"Sounds like you're infatuated with him." Remus said. "Give it some time, it'll fade away."

"I hope so. I called him twice and sent him an undignified amount of messages." Sirius admitted. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and flashed the screen to Remus revealing he had no new messages or phone calls.

"Perhaps you should let this go and allow it to become ancient history." Remus suggested.

"You think I haven't tried?" Sirius laughed. "I know it's crazy, but I haven't met anyone I've felt this strongly about in years."

"Yes, but look at what it's doing you." Remus told him, apologetically.

"Dammit, why doesn't he say something?" Sirius seethed, checking his phone again. "I mean, what the fuck, who doesn't talk to someone after they've slept with them?"

"You." Remus said, taking a sip of his coke.

"Touché, but he's not me." Sirius mumbled, typing on his phone.

"I don't mean to make light of your situation, but I have to admit it's amusing to see you like this." Remus said smirking.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius said putting his phone away in his pocket. "Get it out of your system. I can't say I don't deserve it."

"Do you think you deserve it enough to induce Snape-karma?" Remus laughed.

"Remember Jessica and her sister?" Sirius said, looking up from his phone.

"'And her sister'?" Remus repeated, his eyebrows knitting in disgust.

"Not my fault hotness runs in that family. I'm only human." Sirius huffed.

"I take it back, you deserve Snape." Remus drawled.

Sirius jumped as his phone vibrated in his hand. One new message from Snape flashed on his screen.

**Why do you insist on calling me?**

"What does it say?" Remus asked.

"He wants to know why I'm calling him." Sirius informed him. "What should I reply?"

"The truth I guess." Remus shrugged. "Tell him you enjoyed being with him last night."

"This is why women walk all over you, Remus." Sirius said pulling a face. "No way am I admitting that, I'll look desperate."

"I think it's a little late for that." Remus replied. "And women _like_ me."

"Sorry, you're right." Sirius apologized. He sat for a moment thoughtfully before typing on his phone.

"What are you writing?" Remus asked him.

"I'm telling him that we should hook up again soon." Sirius said.

Snape response came swiftly.

**I have no interest in playing a part in your sexual conquests.**

"Bloody hell." Sirius cursed after reading his text aloud. "He's so fucking difficult."

"Can you blame him? You two have a difficult past." Remus said drinking his tea. It seemed he was back to enjoying his brunch.

"_You're not a conquest. Honest."_Sirius texted back.

**You expect me to believe that because you wrote "honest" at the end?**

_"Stop being so bloody awful." _Sirius wrote back in frustration.

**Delete this number immediately and don't contact me again.**

"I think he's playing hard to get." Sirius said.

"I think he's trying to tell you to leave him alone." Remus replied.

Sirius ignored his friend. If he was going to break through Snape's waspish exterior, it was clear he was going to have to use more charm than usual.

_"Last night was brilliant and I can't stop thinking about you. I know we have an ugly history and we've both said and did some things that were terrible to each other, but that shouldn't stop us from ruining what could be an amazing relationship. Please have dinner with me tonight. I promise you won't regret it. We can take this at whatever pace you feel comfortable with."_

**I would like that very much. **

"See?" Sirius showed Remus the text with a smile. The phone vibrated in his hand once more with a second message from Snape.

**The pace we should go is a full stop.**

Remus snorted with laughter and had enough shame to look guilty while Sirius glared at him.

"_Dammit Snape! Just give me a chance to prove you wrong. At the least you'll get a free dinner out of it."_

**Let me make this clear for you, you imbecile. I have zero desire to see you again and you cannot purchase my interest with free dinners or whatever inane offer you believe is going to win my affections. Last night was one of the biggest mistakes I've made in my life, and I'll be spending my night in quiet, shameful self-reflection- NOT repeating the same mistake with you.**

_"Why are you acting this way?"_

**I'm acting like I hate you because I hate you, Black.**

_"You had sex with me, you can't hate me."_

**I'm proving you wrong at this very moment.**

_"You're being a bastard. Don't ruin this."_

**Are you being thick on purpose? If you come within two feet of me I will hex you into another dimension. Don't bother responding because I'm putting this number on my block list since you lack the self-control to delete it from your phone. Fuck off, Black.**

"That insufferable _git_!" Sirius hissed.

"It's probably for the best." Remus shrugged. "As you've pointed out yourself I'm no love expert, but perhaps you should pour your energy into finding someone who wants to be with you."

"He does want to be with me, he's just can't help being his usual slimeball-self." Sirius mumbled.

"You are a textbook definition of denial right now." Remus sighed. "Can't you see he's making you miserable? Take it as a sign it wasn't meant to be."

"I'm not giving up." Sirius said putting away his phone.

"I understand you're not accustomed to rejection, but please understand that he doesn't want you." Remus informed him. "He told you he hates you."

"Ah, Lily hated James." Sirius said pointing a finger in the air. "He never gave up on Lily and now look at them."

"James did not torment Lily her whole adolescent life." Remus replied. "You cannot compare James and Lily to you and Snape."

"Obviously last night we buried the past." Sirius shrugged. "I know he wants to be with me; we weren't even drunk last night."

"No offense, but you know better than anyone that doesn't mean he's interested in you." Remus said gently. "You told me you trust me, so hear me out. I really don't think it's a good idea to pursue Snape. I don't know where your fixation for him stems from, but it's taking an unhealthy turn and I don't want to have to bail you out of prison, or rush you to St Mungo's- or worse- be put in a situation where I have to explain this to James."

"I know." Sirius sighed, picking at his food solemnly. "James would never understand. I've never kept a secret from him before…this is so screwed up."

"Then we're in agreement that you should leave Snape alone and you should forget about everything that happened between you?" Remus asked.

"Yes, we're agreed." Sirius sighed.

"Good." Remus smiled. "I'm going to have a very difficult time looking back on this and not laughing."

"Yeah, me too." Sirius laughed.

He had agreed he should leave Snape alone…that didn't mean he would.

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A/N: Please feel free to write a review. I love reading feedback!

More shenanigans to follow!


	2. Chapter 2

Remus had been correct, Sirius wasn't accustomed to being rejected. Yes, there had been the odd woman or two who had rejected his advances in the past, but with a flash of his boyish grin or a flex of his arms they all eventually succomed to his charm. Sirius knew Snape would not be so easily swayed, but like so many women before him, Snape would eventually break down and recognize all the good things Sirius had to offer.

"_There was a reason we ended up in bed together that night."_ Sirius Black thought as he jumped on his motorcycle. "_And dammit, I'm going to remind him of that."_

Sirius was a veteran in the art of love and fancied himself a modern day Don Juan. The root of his success seducing women (and now a man) was hard work, persistence, and a good plan.

He parked his motorcycle in Lily's parent's driveway and quickly took off his jacket and t-shirt. That morning he dressed himself in sweatpants and a worn pair of running shoes to match. Before he had left to enact his plan, he had spent an unprecedented amount of time primping in front of the mirror to make sure every hair was meticulously groomed and accentuated his hard-won, sculpted chest, stomach and arms.

He took a deep breath and began moving down the street at a light walk that eventually built up to a steady jog.

Sirius navigated through the roads, drinking in the depressing, brick houses for about ten minutes before slowing his gait to a stop. He wasn't tired, but made an appearance of being fatigued as he wiped his face in the crook of his elbow. He kept up the facade so that he may observe the house located on his right along the dingey street.

Long ago Lily had told him that she grew up in the same neighborhood as Snape in Spinner's End. Sirius never forgot the house she pointed out to James and him as they walked by, laughing at how dirty and unloved it was.

It hadn't changed much, it was an old brick house that needed moderate repair to elevate it to what Sirius felt was respectable. He took a deep breath and stretched as he stared at a windowsill that needed repairing. The appearance of the house seemed to reflect the personal appearance of their owner- withdrawn and unpolished.

Sirius bent over and untied his shoe, only to tie it again as he daydreamed. After fiddling around with a knot for the third time he heard a door slam. Snape was walking towards him, his arms unnaturally pinned against his sides, and his hands curled into fists.

Sirius drew himself to his full height as Snape approached him in the road.

"Heh, you live here? No wonder we went to my place." Sirius joked. "I can help you fix that window, you know."

"You're stalking me now?" Snape asked, his lip curling into a snarl.

"Stalking you?" Sirius repeated, putting on his best show of innocence. "I'm just going for a run. Don't you believe me?"

"No, I am not daft enough to believe you frequently go for a run _shirtless_ in my little town!" Snape snarled. "You might recall your moronic deceptions never worked on me- not like they did for a certain headmaster!"

"Why is everything such a fight with you?" Sirius growled. "What is your problem?"

"My problem is I took in a damn stray and I can't seem to get him to stop humping my leg." Snape spat. "This is going to be your final warning before I get violent, fuck off!"

He turned on his heel and began to march towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked him, trailing behind. Snape didn't answer. "You're the only person in all of England who isn't thrilled to have my attention, and I'm getting fed-up with this cold-shoulder garbage."

Snape slipped through the door, and Sirius leaned against the doorway to ensure it couldn't close on him. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Snape, who seethed as an awkward pause hung in the air. Sirius flashed him a mischievous grin.

"Perhaps I am going about this the wrong way," Snape said in a smooth, soft voice. Sirius got the impression he was talking more to himself than him. Snape leaned over, a malicious, almost pitying look playing about his face; his eyes were glittering, and he looked as if he was trying hard not to smile.

"My dear," he started, looking deeply into Sirius' eyes. "I'm afraid you're quite confused. This is going to be difficult for you to hear, but altogether necessary since you seem to struggle with moving on. You were used."

Heat washed over Sirius' face, as if Snape had pushed him against one of his boiling cauldrons.

"Yes," Snape went on, clearly enjoying Sirius' reaction. "I used you for sex. I regret you mistook it for romantic interest. You see, I believed you to possess a more...rudimentary...nature, and I never foresaw you going through such measures to pursue me. While it's been exhilarating to see you humiliate yourself it's now spilling over into my personal life and so it must stop."

Sirius' jaw was clamped firmly shut, and he breathed deeply through his nose.

"You're a liar." Sirius accused him, swallowing hard.

"You have no substance." Snape continued coldly. "You have nothing to offer me. You're nothing but a pretty face, and what little personality you have, I can barely tolerate."

"I don't care what you say." Sirius replied, hoarsely. "I'm not going to let you throw this away because of what happened in the past."

"DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM!?" Snape boomed in Sirius' face, losing his temper. "WHAT YOU DID TO ME!?"

"I"m sorry!" Sirius replied, defensive.

"SORRY!?" Snape repeated. He was beyond enraged. "You constantly humiliated me- abused me- you made my life HELL!"

"Oh- like you were an innocent victim!" Sirius shouted back. He was never good with keeping his own temper when pushed. "You were up to your eyeballs in dark arts! How were we to deal with the weird, sarcastic, mean kid mouthing-off and trying to get us all in trouble!? You were practically begging for us to hate you!"

"And here I am once more, _begging _you to hate me!" Snape snarled.

"Well I don't!" Sirius huffed. "And now you're getting a second chance, don't you see that?"

"A second chance?" Snape barked. "What in god's name are you rambling about?"

"Come on, you think we didn't know you were jealous?" Sirius huffed, crossing his arms. "That you didn't want to be part of our group? That you didn't want friends?"

"Are you are out of your goddamn mind?" Snape hissed dangerously. Sirius had never heard him use that tone before.

"You were always following us around," Sirius replied, feeling as if he had to explain himself. "it was easy to see you wanted to be our friend- but you didn't know how-"

"LILY WAS MY FRIEND!" Snape shouted, his rage twisting into a scream. "I WANTED LILY, NOT YOU! NOT POTTER! NOT THE WEREWOLF THAT ALMOST KILLED ME-"

"Then your luck is rubbish!" Sirius laughed. "You lost her to James- and it was probably your own damn fault for being such an evil, snivelling slimeball!"

Snape's face went pale, and Sirius could see he was shaking with anger.

"Er...I'm willing to work with you on that-" Sirius said awkwardly.

"Why are you here?" Snape rasped. "Is this one of your stupid pranks to amuse Potter? Trying to make a fool out of me, chasing me down like some lovesick puppy-dog?"

"What? No. I would never tell James about this." Sirius replied, embarrassed. "He'd go off his rocker."

"So you are harassing me for- what- your own personal pleasure!?" Snape accused him.

"No! I'm here because I loved that night we had together!" Sirius admitted. "And I wish I didn't- but I do! I wish I wasn't into you- but I am!"

"Spare me your insincere nonsense." Snape hissed. "Flattery is not going to get you anywhere- I am not one of your empty-headed admirers-"

"-And that's precisely why I want you!" Sirius insisted. "You're smart, and you're real and you're interesting! You say I have no substance? Well that's how I feel about everyone else who isn't James or Remus or-" he was about to say 'Lily' but caught himself last second, "you. I feel like everyone else puts me to sleep-"

"-That's because your mind is damaged." Snape snarled. "See a doctor, Black!" He shoved Sirius and began to slam the door on him.

"Look- please- listen to me," Sirius begged, sticking his foot so the door wouldn't close. "Ow- stop-"

Snape kicked him sharply in the shins, and slammed the door on his foot.

"Stop." Sirius growled through clenched teeth. He forced the door open as Snape leaned on it heavily. Sirius managed to wedge half his body between it. "Okay," Sirius puffed, "so I recognize this isn't going very well. I don't know what I did or didn't do to make that night happen...but if circumstances ever fall into place and you want to be friendly... consider giving me a call?"

Snape's thrusted a hand in Sirius' face causing one of his thin fingers to poke Sirius in the eye. Sirius instinctively bent backwards and Snape took advantage of his uncomfortable position to shove him out of the doorway and close the door.

"Shit!" Sirius cursed as he rubbed his irritated eye. "Just think about it!" he shouted at the door.

Sirius heard the locks being bolted.

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_A/N: It's a short chapter but I think it sets the tone._


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